"When they're parking their cars on your chest, you've still got a view of the summer sky."
-The Shins
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
It gets me through the day:
“And if only we arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us that we must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience. How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that are the last moments are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.
“So you mustn’t be frightened…if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since your know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better. In you…so much is happening now; you must be patience like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are both. And more: you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself. But in every sickness there are many days when the doctor can do nothing but wait. And that is what you, insofar as you are your own doctor, must now do, more than anything else.
“Don’t observe yourself too closely. Don’t be too quick to draw conclusions from what happens to you; simply let it happen….”
“…find in yourself enough patience to endure and enough simplicity to have faith; that you may gain more and more confidence in what is difficult and in your solitude among other people. And as for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always.”
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Patience is a Virtue
A virtue I don't have...
"Being an artist means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn't force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, learn it with pain I am grateful for: patience is everything!"
-Rainer Maria Rilke
"Being an artist means: not numbering and counting, but ripening like a tree, which doesn't force its sap, and stands confidently in the storms of spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come. But it comes only to those who are patient, who are there as if eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly silent and vast. I learn it every day of my life, learn it with pain I am grateful for: patience is everything!"
-Rainer Maria Rilke
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Another Missing Puzzle Piece Put in its Proper Place
I always thought I had a very contradictory personality. And it seemed my parents were to blame. My mom is very social and my dad is not. My mom is the life of the party; everyone loves and feels comfortable around her the moment they meet her. My dad doesn't have a single close friend, and he couldn't care less.
I seemed to have inherited both traits...And let me tell you, it ain't easy. I remember reading about ligers once. Yes, ligers (a cross between a lion and a tiger) are real animals. I know many of you have seen Napolean Dynamite and you probably just thought it was a joke. Wikipedia it. You'll be surprised. Anyway, tigers are solitary animals. They mainly travel and live alone. Lions are social and need to be with other lions and lionesses in a pride. So when you cross breed a social animal with a solitary animal, you get one very confused offspring. Ligers aren't sure whether they should be social or not, and it sometimes causes depression. So when I learned this I came to a conclusion about myself: I am a human liger.
When I was in college I would sometimes spend entire semesters in my room studying. Socializing just wasn't important to me. It's not that I don't appreciate close relationships or good conversation. I love good conversation. I crave it. But I need it to be deep, thought provoking, and fascinating. When people want to shoot the breeze about nothing in particular, I get lost. Perhaps that's how I felt in college. Good grades seemed much more important to me than frivolous activity and empty conversation. In time, however, reclusion took its toll. I started feeling kind of weird, or perhaps just unbalanced, and eventually I began pushing my social side.
This past year I've been more social than ever. I go to pretty much every social activity at my church (and believe me, there are a lot) I throw parties, have house concerts, hold movie nights...and just last week I pretty much reached my limit. I can only really describe it as having a social hangover. I just didn't want to be around people anymore. Other people don't give me energy, they drain me of it. Last Saturday I spent the entire night alone in my room, importing CDs onto my computer, and I cannot tell you how happy it made me!
Even after reaching my social limit and trying to find time to hide out in the confines of my room again, I still felt a bit confused. How can I have social skills, and sometimes like being social, but then other times find it so incredibly draining and downright dissatisfying? How come I find public speaking so enjoyable and almost natural, yet small talk with a stranger in the grocery store can make me uneasy?
Today I was telling my friend about how I felt, and she replied matter-of-factly, "That's because you're an introvert. Introverts need to be alone to recharge their batteries." I'm an introvert. I had always known it, but what did it really mean? I still felt like a walking contradiction. Aren't introverts known to be completely anti-social? I'm not completely anti-social, but I'm not completely social either. If I had a choice between going to a party or staying home and reading a book, I would probably choose the book.
I decided to research it via the Internet, and I came across an article by Jonathan Rauch called "Caring for your Introvert" (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch) and it describes me to a t. Finally it makes sense! It turns out introverts aren't necessarily socially inept; that's a misconception other people have of them. They just, as I mentioned before, need time alone to recharge and reflect. It's not a deficiency or a character flaw; that's how we introverts were born; it's part of our biological makeup.
Anyway, I could go on, but the below excerpt, from the article, says it best.
"Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate?
"If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
"Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes.
"What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic…Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
"Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: 'I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses.' "
I seemed to have inherited both traits...And let me tell you, it ain't easy. I remember reading about ligers once. Yes, ligers (a cross between a lion and a tiger) are real animals. I know many of you have seen Napolean Dynamite and you probably just thought it was a joke. Wikipedia it. You'll be surprised. Anyway, tigers are solitary animals. They mainly travel and live alone. Lions are social and need to be with other lions and lionesses in a pride. So when you cross breed a social animal with a solitary animal, you get one very confused offspring. Ligers aren't sure whether they should be social or not, and it sometimes causes depression. So when I learned this I came to a conclusion about myself: I am a human liger.
When I was in college I would sometimes spend entire semesters in my room studying. Socializing just wasn't important to me. It's not that I don't appreciate close relationships or good conversation. I love good conversation. I crave it. But I need it to be deep, thought provoking, and fascinating. When people want to shoot the breeze about nothing in particular, I get lost. Perhaps that's how I felt in college. Good grades seemed much more important to me than frivolous activity and empty conversation. In time, however, reclusion took its toll. I started feeling kind of weird, or perhaps just unbalanced, and eventually I began pushing my social side.
This past year I've been more social than ever. I go to pretty much every social activity at my church (and believe me, there are a lot) I throw parties, have house concerts, hold movie nights...and just last week I pretty much reached my limit. I can only really describe it as having a social hangover. I just didn't want to be around people anymore. Other people don't give me energy, they drain me of it. Last Saturday I spent the entire night alone in my room, importing CDs onto my computer, and I cannot tell you how happy it made me!
Even after reaching my social limit and trying to find time to hide out in the confines of my room again, I still felt a bit confused. How can I have social skills, and sometimes like being social, but then other times find it so incredibly draining and downright dissatisfying? How come I find public speaking so enjoyable and almost natural, yet small talk with a stranger in the grocery store can make me uneasy?
Today I was telling my friend about how I felt, and she replied matter-of-factly, "That's because you're an introvert. Introverts need to be alone to recharge their batteries." I'm an introvert. I had always known it, but what did it really mean? I still felt like a walking contradiction. Aren't introverts known to be completely anti-social? I'm not completely anti-social, but I'm not completely social either. If I had a choice between going to a party or staying home and reading a book, I would probably choose the book.
I decided to research it via the Internet, and I came across an article by Jonathan Rauch called "Caring for your Introvert" (http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch) and it describes me to a t. Finally it makes sense! It turns out introverts aren't necessarily socially inept; that's a misconception other people have of them. They just, as I mentioned before, need time alone to recharge and reflect. It's not a deficiency or a character flaw; that's how we introverts were born; it's part of our biological makeup.
Anyway, I could go on, but the below excerpt, from the article, says it best.
"Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate?
"If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.
I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.
"Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes.
"What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic…Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
"Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: 'I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses.' "
Monday, July 20, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The most recent conversation with my three year old niece...
Me: Coco, you have beautiful brown eyes.
Coco: Your eyes are like shining stars.
Coco: Your eyes are like shining stars.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Who do I portray the best?
So, somewhere along the line I developed a fondness for wearing costumes. Usually at Halloween, but now it's even beginning to occur during the off-season.
Cindy Lauper
A newsie (I went through this little phase where I was obsessed with that movie)
Pat Benatar (That microphone was made out of paper. That's why it looks so legit.)
Twiggy
Jareth, the goblin king
Up next: George Michael
Cindy Lauper
A newsie (I went through this little phase where I was obsessed with that movie)
Pat Benatar (That microphone was made out of paper. That's why it looks so legit.)
Twiggy
Jareth, the goblin king
Up next: George Michael
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